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No Gay Foxes in the Chick-fil-A Henhouse
In the latest pretend controversy, sources tell me there aren’t any gay foxes allowed in the Chick-fil-A henhouse. I don’t have all the details because I try not to read the news and only overheard...
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Dear Good Greatsby: Babysitter or Baby Sicker
Today’s question comes from Heather at Beaches & Peaches. Heather: I have a baby, and yesterday the babysitter for this baby showed up very sick. How do you deal with this situation? I pretended to...
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Greatsby’s Presidential Endorsement Challenge
The American presidential race is in full swing and I know both campaigns are looking to The Good Greatsby to offer an endorsement and possibly change the momentum of the race. Because both campaigns...
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There’s No Such Thing as a Stupid Question, Except ‘What’s a Question?’
When you grow older some truisms and sayings seem to crumble under scrutiny. I remember teachers always saying, “There’s no such thing as a stupid question.” Of course as an adult I’ve realized not...
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When are aliens going to report back to us with the results of all that anal...
When are aliens going to report back to us with the results of all that anal probe research they’ve been doing? For decades humans have been the butt of jokes in this galaxy after reporting capture by...
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Text Message Diaries: I Send My Wife Not So Breaking News
10:05AM Hey, babe, waiting to see chiropractor. Guess what? According to People magazine, Kristin Stewart & Rob Pattinson thinking about having baby Know U R in meeting but thought you’d want to...
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Prince Harry Courts Controversy With Wave of Royal Scepter
Perhaps you’ve already heard the news about Britain’s Prince Harry who was photographed nude during a Las Vegas party while playing a round of strip billiards. The only reason I know about the story is...
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Dear Mr. Foosball
Dear Mr. Foosball, I recently ordered a foosball table from your company. It was delivered and assembled while I was at work and now that I’ve had some time to look it over I worry it may be...
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The Greatsbys Get Moving
We moved house over the weekend. We’d lived in the same house for three years and on the same street for seven, but it made more sense for us to move to another part of Shanghai after the kids recently...
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Four More Years! Four More Years!
Tonight President Obama will give his keynote address at the Democratic National Convention and you could play a drinking game based on the number of times the crowd will break into the chant...
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I’m Rubber and You’re Glue, Criticism of Me Bounces Back to You
If you’re going to achieve any level of success in life, you’re going to have to expect some criticism. If you’re not going to achieve any level of success in life, you’re going to have to expect a lot...
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I Give Apollo Fonzarelli ‘The Talk’
Parents dread their children reaching the age when they have to give them ‘the talk’. You keep putting it off, thinking your kid isn’t old enough to be interested in such adult issues, but...
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If My Wife Were so Perfect, She’d Have Better Taste in Husbands
If there’s one thing I like about my wife…that would be a discouragingly low number. But if there’s one thing I like about my wife, I like that she likes me. There’s something intoxicatingly attractive...
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The Final Curtain Call…Or Is It? Yes, It Is…Unless…
I promised myself I wouldn’t do another play for a while after finishing Inspector Hound in June, but a week later I accepted the role of Adam in Frank McGuinness’ play Someone Who’ll Watch Over Me,...
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To the Bimbos of Wikipedia
Who are the bimbos of Wikipedia? While working on a recent writing project, I had to compile a list of standard stock characters found in television. When attempting to describe the typical...
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Did You Know? Did You Know? Did You Know?
My 8-year-old The Fonz is a perpetual source of non-sequiturs, interrupting conversation with sound bytes varying from the funny, “Why go to Mount Everest when you can see the top from Google Earth?...
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10 Date Ideas Better Than Dinner and a Movie
‘Dinner and a Movie’ has become the standard go-to date in America. I’m surprised by its popularity, especially as a first date since a movie provides you very little opportunity to talk and get to...
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Presidential Campaigns: ‘Lower Your Expectations’ Voters: ‘Our Expectations...
The first presidential debate is scheduled for tonight and Americans everywhere are anxiously looking forward to not watching. After they finish not watching the debates, they’ll appease their civic...
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Prelude to Five People Asking for Hand Sanitizer
Are you new? Something about you seems different than the people who normally work here. I can honestly say, of all the presidential candidates I’ve ever met, you’re the first. Please tell me I’m not...
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In with the In Crowd–Or Else!
Our two sons recently began a new school year at a new school and while taking a walk yesterday my 11-year-old Optimist Prime told me how much he was enjoying the new group of friends he’d made. OP: I...
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